It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
