wrigley field is MILF paradise
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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