no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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