remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
