found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
