ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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