I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
