NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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