i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
