Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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