I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
