oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
