I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
