Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
