My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
