I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
