Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
