Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
