Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
