They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
