grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
