what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
