She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
