My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
