its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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