Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
