tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
