Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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