I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
