sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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