ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
