I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you had me at cake vodka
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
