watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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