she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
