i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
