I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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