mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
