Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
