im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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