Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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