She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
