So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
