chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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