Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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