I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
