So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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