I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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