you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
