A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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