I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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