I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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