There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let the clothes fall where they may.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
