3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize