well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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