can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
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I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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