WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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