My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
