watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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