I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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