I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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