Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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