did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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