i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
