I'm so fucking centered right now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
