My balls are so social today.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
